Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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