you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
