You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
