I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
