Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i came on her dog
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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