You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
