We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
