K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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