At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We named our party play list daddy issues
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
