You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
