Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
