She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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