I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
