Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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