I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
