u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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