we have pet lesbian snakes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
