you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
