i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
