I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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