i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
