she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
