thus making me awesome and them whores
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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