dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
