Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
