i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
