what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How naked do you want me to be?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
