all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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