I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
