butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
