What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
