Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
