I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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