Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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