I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
