i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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