debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
