4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
