just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Damn victory sex feels great
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
