It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
