I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dicks are not precious.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
