i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
