you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
