I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
