so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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