I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My ass is underappreciated
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
