Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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