It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
