i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
