Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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