from now on my penis is your penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
