Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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