My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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