She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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