Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
