the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can I color on your dick again?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
