Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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