please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just threw up on my dentist
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
